Sunday, 5 August 2012

Purrfect Gymnastics for Team GB

Greetings Miaowleteers!  Gymnastics… a very elegant and superior sport which I have been enjoying watching with FH.  However, I am a little surprised at the standard of competition.  You two legs really do find this difficult don’t you??  Us kitty cats are blessed with purrfect gymnastic balance, timing and prowess but then again we are cats!

So here’s my guide to Purrfect Gymnastics the Catanian way!

There are a number of events in Gymnastics for us ladies.  All of them require timing, strength, agility and purrfect elegance (easy peasy for this kitty;-)


The first event is the vault.  This miaowleteers is where you run at full speed and leap on to your target, then an explosion of gymnastic prowess with some turns and the odd miaow and you’re off again.  I have been practicing on FH by using her legs as the vault, I take a good run up when she’s not looking and launch myself at her knees, then using my purrfectly sharpened claws I reach her shoulders (hopefully she has thick jeans and jumper on, if not she squeals rather) and vault off.  At this I reign supreme, I have various different vault but the human shoulder tumble is my finest!

Uneven Bars

In the uneven bars a kitty must weave and swing between a set of flexible bars whilst looking graceful and possibly even jumping on a human or mouse in the process.  Here I am warming up for the uneven bars by sharpening my claws, you humans seem to require chalk – not us kitty cats, we have claws of grippiness!

Once on the uneven bars it is essential to maintain kitty elegance and look as if it is just a walk in the park.  Grace and kitty model posing are all part of the picture, the judges will be scoring me on my feline charm you know J

Balance Beam

Now Miaowleteers I am a little disappointed with you humans, apparently it is enough to prance around on a non-moving bar and you call that sport???  Well as I’m a feline I have decided to take this sport a little further and have developed the Human Balance Beam.  

Human Balance Beam

In this event I must leap from any object on to a human of my choosing (normally it is only FH that tolerates this!) and then have to maintain my balance whilst said human squawks and spins, at the same time I must perform a ‘kill’ maneuver on the hair presented to me.  I must maintain my feline prowess throughout this maneuver and hold on with claws until the judges (FH in this case) picks me off and tells me game over.  I do think Miaowleteers that this could be one of my favourite events…. much more challenging than your Balance Beam!


Floor is where grace, prowess and rhythm are so important.  In this exercise I must demonstrate my flexibility and agility with tumbles, twists, pivots, leaps and turns.  I am supreme in the kitty world at this discipline, I practice every day by darting in and out of the muleteers feet, I pounce on my prey and I have every ounce of elegance required to achieve Olympic prowess.  

FH does get a little concerned though as I do like to practice in the mud which does mean that I am not the cleanest of kitty cats, hmmm she can talk, I’ve seen the colour of her finger nails and some days she wears more mud than The Mini!

Pommel Horse Mule

Now then Miaowleteers I am not impressed with ladies Gymnastics, it would appear that the superior of the species (i.e. us girls) do not get to compete at the same events as the boys.  They have a wonderful event called the Pommel Horse…. Hmmmm…. Well it’s not really that difficult is it boys??

Us girls have a much better version; it’s called the Pommel Mule.

I think you’ll agree that I have perfected this sport.  I am at one with my gymnastic equipment and feel the movement.  I can perform amazing turns, twists, balances and pauses on my chosen Pommel Mule.

Eat your heart out boys; if I could compete alongside you I’m sure you’d agree you’d be no match for me!

Gold Medalist

Of course Miaowleteers I would win gold for Team Kitty GB and I have some final words of wisdom for you medal winners.

Always show appreciation to your coach.

A kiss on the cheek works wonders!

Well Miaowleteers I’m off to watch the rest of the Olympics, I have been sending training tips to a gymnast called Beth Tweddle, I think she may have feline agility!  Go Team GB J

1 comment:

  1. You earnt a perfect 10 Catanian!. Agility, grace, power .. not to say always that purrfect landing!. The Pommel Mule exercise is terrific!. Show us more videos of your leaps and bounds!.